


Silent

by himeaka



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, angst and fluff?, post-retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 09:14:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14615019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himeaka/pseuds/himeaka
Summary: “How much time do we have left?” Yuzuru mumbles, his voice muffled by Javier’s sweater.Javier brings his hand to cup Yuzuru’s face again. “We have forever, querido.”





	Silent

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is the first fic I've finished in months! I wrote the first part last December during my Christmas break and I had the urge to continue writing this because, well, it's my summer break. The writing style somewhat changed at some point in this story because that's what you get for leaving a fanfic hanging for months. Also, this fanfic is a mess because I am rusty af.
> 
> The song is You Are The Reason by Calum Scott

It was silent.

It was silent, the way Javier entered Yuzu’s apartment, the way he made his way to the kitchen, the way he circled his arms around Yuzu’s waist as he stared at the kettle, waiting for the water to boil.

There were no words spoken; only their breathing and the whistling of the kettle can be heard.

If their relationship could be described in one word, it would be _silent._ Their love is the most silent of all sounds that only the both of them could hear it. Their love need not be shouted at the top of their lungs for the whole world to know. No, that was not the case. All they wanted was to break this silence, to break away from everything holding their love back.

But they can’t. They continue living and loving in silence.

They stayed like that until the water boiled. It’s funny, Yuzuru thought, because their time together was always defined by the until when’s and the before’s: _I’ll stay until the end of the tour, I’ll hold you until the start of practice, please stay here until you go back to Spain._ It’s as if their time together had a deadline, an end of some sorts. Yuzuru broke away from Javier’s hug as he proceeded to prepare their tea and coffee, saying nothing to break the silence.

“I missed you.” It was Javier who spoke first, destroying their little semblance of peace. Yuzuru continued with his ministrations, choosing to stay silent instead of reciprocating Javi’s declaration. He knew it will end when he speaks; their time together is limited, and he did not want to waste it on an argument they have been conveniently putting off for months.

Javier kisses his temple and proceeds to sit while Yuzuru puts their drinks on the table. He sits adjacent to Javier and cradles the mug in his hands. Minutes passed without a word between them. Javier reaches for Yuzuru’s hand, but before Javier can rest his hand on Yuzuru’s, he retracted them and rested them on his lap.

It was still silent.

“I love you.” Yuzuru finally speaks. Javier looks at him and sighs in relief. Yuzuru reaches for Javier’s hands and hesitantly twines their fingers together. Javier holds Yuzuru’s trembling hand firmly, as if saying _I won’t let go._ The trembling doesn’t stop, but Javier’s firm hold made it seem that it was gone. Yuzuru looks at him with hopeful eyes.

“I love you too, Yuzu. You know that, right?” Javier tells him, brushing his fingers on Yuzuru’s cold and still trembling hand. Yuzuru averts his gaze but a small smile graces his lips. He retracts his hands from Javier’s hold and drinks the tea he prepared for the both of them. He inhales the aroma of the Jasmine tea, trying to relieve anxiety of the upcoming deadline that they have to face.

The aroma is not enough to calm his nerves. Yuzuru stands up and walks toward the balcony. _Maybe fresh air can calm me down,_ he thinks. He knows the solution is not that simple, but he continues to fool himself anyway.

Javier follows Yuzuru to the balcony. He contemplates whether to stand beside him or to wrap his arms around his waist and bury his face on the crook of his neck. He settles for the latter. Yuzuru tenses under his touch, but he doesn’t push him away. A few seconds pass and Javier feels Yuzuru sigh and lean into his embrace. They stayed like that for what it seemed like a long time; minutes or hours, Javier wasn’t sure. They usually spent their time together like this; ignorant of the time that passes by. They did not want their relationship to be defined by the weeks, days, hours, minutes, or seconds that they were allowed to touch, but there are some things that could not be helped. When they leave their own world and travel to reality, they are faced with challenges they conveniently ignore when they are together.

They watch the passing cars on the road. Javier continues to breathe in Yuzuru’s scent as they start to sway together to the music from the floors below. Yuzuru giggles because of the silliness of their situation and Javier twirls him in time with the music.

_And there goes my mind racing_

_And you are the reason_

_That I'm still breathing_

_I'm hopeless now_

Yuzuru is now facing Javier, whose arms are circling his waist. Yuzuru giggles again, and Javier is reminded how much he loved the sound of Yuzuru’s laugh. Yuzuru wraps his arms around Javier’s shoulders and buries his head on his chest. They continue to sway side by side as Yuzuru listens to Javier’s heartbeat.

_I'd climb every mountain_

_And swim every ocean_

_Just to be with you_

Yuzuru lifts his head up and looks into Javier’s eyes. It makes Javier smile. Yuzuru’s little smile transforms into a grin when his forehead touches Javier’s. It is the smile that Javier loves the most; the smile that makes his nose crinkle and his eyes disappear into lines. At this point, the melody becomes familiar. They hum with the music because they are not quite familiar with the song, apart from the lyrics that kept repeating. _You are the reason,_ they whispered to each other.

_I don't want to fight no more_

_I don't want to hide no more_

_I don't want to cry no more come back, I need you to hold me_

Yuzuru finds it funny, how the song playing downstairs echoed the things that he always wanted to say. _I need you to hold me._ He wants to say that a hundred times but now, Javier is holding him and he doesn’t find the need to anymore.

_You are the reason_

_A little closer now, just a little closer now_

_Come a little closer, I need you to hold me tonight_

As if Javier heard those words come from Yuzuru’s mouth, Javier tightens his embrace and buries his face on Yuzuru’s hair. He inhales his scent, imprinting every detail into his memory. He hears Yuzuru sniff, and Javier cups his face with his hands as he sees him try his best to hold back the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

_'Cause I need you to see_

_That you are the reason_

Yuzuru smiles at him, trying to tell him that everything is alright despite the tears falling down on his face. Javier slowly kisses his temple and wipes his tears away. He leans on Yuzuru’s shoulder tells him _you are the reason._

The music stopped and so did their dance. The bubble burst, and the clock is ticking. Yuzuru leans on Javier’s chest as he gathers the courage to ask him the question he is always afraid of saying.

“How much time do we have left?” Yuzuru mumbles, his voice muffled by Javier’s sweater.

Javier brings his hand to cup Yuzuru’s face again. “We have forever, _querido._ ” He says as he wipes the remnants of Yuzuru’s tears.

Yuzuru beams at his words, giggling as he playfully slapped Javier’s hand away. “That’s not what I meant.”

Javier pulls Yuzuru into a hug and started to play with his hair. Yuzuru feels content, snuggled into Javier’s chest. “I know what you meant.”

“So how long do we actually have?”

Javier sighs, disappointment evident in his features. “I’m afraid there is a mandatory dinner later at seven with the show’s sponsors.”

“A few hours, then.”


End file.
